Finding inward impulses

10 01 2008

TentaclesI have been thinking lately about the affect my soul has on what I do and say. I’ve begun to suspect that most of the time I do things in reaction to an outer impetus. Someone says something to me, and I respond. I see an advert for something and I think about buying it. I see a scenario played out in a film and I contemplate what I would do in that situation. These outer influences are not necessarily negative, but they come for outside myself, causing me to react. I’ve been thinking that I’d like to see what it might be like to act instead of reacting. I beleive God is present within my spirit and I’d like to see what life might be like if I responded to this inward impulse more often.

Anthony Bloom, in Beginning to Pray, writes that it is greed, fear and curiosity which make us live outwardly. Our personality becomes extroverted, engaging with everything around us. He says that we cannot go inwards if we are completely focused outward. It’s as though we have tentacles that reach out and attach themselves to everything around, leaving us empty inside.

I long to tap into that life-giving, creative force within my spirit.

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